Jaded By Hollywood

Hollywood is everywhere.  Hollywood is everything.  There is nothing that is not Hollywood.  Well, at least that's what marketing campaigns would have us all think.

I have been to many places outside of California.  It's funny how exciting, glamorous and intriguing Hollywood seems to average people in Oklahoma City, Sydney or Cairo.  They just can't get enough of Tinseltown.

For people who actually live in California, especially in L.A., the constant barrage of Hollywood news, celebrity interviews and ever-present cameras can affect the brain at the deepest levels --- like a lobotomy.

I think I've been permanently jaded by Hollywood.

Every which way I turn, fake boobs are in my face.  It's gotten so prevalent that 'natural womanhood' is starting to look weird.  Did the California State Legislature pass some bill that I missed?  I try to keep up, but you never know.  Maybe there's a new Department of Enhancement issuing licenses.

Here's another trippy trend in the Golden State: 

Blonde Asians.

There's nothing wrong with people expressing their individuality but, when everybody else is doing the same thing, it's out of control.

Blonde hair is a well-worn California stereotype but, when Asian Californians are doing the 'Hollywood Bleachout' en masse, it seems like an Aryan Apocalypse.

You can't blame this one on MSG. 

What is Hollywood doing to our brains?  It's not just blonde Asians either.  It's blonde Arabs, blonde Persians, and blonde African Americans too.

In a society that values physical appearance and visual appeal, it's hard not to be psychologically affected when you live here.  Every event seems to require makeup, wardrobe and rehearsal --- even a trip to the supermarket.

I picked up a girlfriend who wanted to go grocery shopping with me.  She made me wait forever until she was 'ready'.  She kept changing outfits and re-doing her makeup until she was 'presentable'.

When we finally got into the car,  she was as bubbly as a crackhead --- I was totally comatose.

When I asked her why so much needless drama just for the supermarket, she looked at me like I was insane and shrieked:

"Oh my GOD, like, what if I see somebody I know?  What if people recognize me?  What about all the cameras everywhere?  What if my pictures end up all over the internet?  Oh my GOD, whatever!  Anyway, like, what happened to your TAN?"

I said that I've been super busy with gubernatorial campaigns and cultural events for the blog, and that I don't have time to just lay around getting another tan --- who the hell cares anyway?  She totally went OFF on me:

"You should care!  What if somebody breaks out their cell phone camera and snaps you looking like Casper The Friendly Ghost?  What a nightmare.  Here, put on these dark sunglasses and just channel your 'inner-tan' or something.  God, I hope nobody we know sees us, much less some producer or something!"

She went on to complain that she was wearing the wrong bra --- it was from before her last 'enhancement'.  Also, her hairdresser was supposed to make her 'California Blonde', but she ended up too 'Marilyn'.  Travesty!  How could she go on?

Her lipstick shade was, apparently, great on film but 'horrifying' close up in real life.  She demanded that I drive her back home to grab a few alternative shades.  I flatly refused.  I got the 'silent treatment' and pouty Botoxed lips.

Whatever.

All of this drama and stress was all about being seen and possibly caught on video on the way to buy lettuce, Diet Coke and tampons.  Way too 'Hollywood' some might say.  I forgot to mention that she's a lawyer.

Life itself is an ongoing audition, it seems.

Hooray for Hollywood