CA Bans Antichrist Light Bulbs

The State of California is ordering all 100-watt incandescent light bulbs off store shelves starting January 1, 2011 --- because they're EVIL!

These antichrist bulbs are causing puppies to cry, making unicorns run away, and giving raindrops emotional scars.  Ban them!

I was not aware that the Bible described Satan as "appearing as an angel of 100-watt light", nor was I aware that the Qur'an described a paradise with 72 watts, not virgins.

As the 100-watt incandescent bulbs disappear, the wimpy 72-watt bulb will be the highest substitute available.

Nanny-state wussy bulbs!

California is starting to 'repent' for its bulbous sins a year ahead of a 2012 deadline because of state regulations to "reduce energy consumption".

Hello?  Just turn off the light switch when you don't need light.  What?  Oh, that's right:  Common sense makes no money.

Government knows best, it seems.

The new fluorescent light bulbs, which will "save the earth", contain MERCURY which becomes a vapor to light the bulb.  You'll need to get your brain closer to the dull light so you can SEE in 2011.

Mercury vapors are your friends!

With fluorescent bulbs now dominating the alternative light bulb market, consumers are concerned about the mercury.  Ya think? 

Mercury is one of the strongest NEUROTOXINS on earth, and it's so tasty too --- just like candy!

When millions of CFLs end up in landfills, they collectively form an environmental apocalypse.  They save the earth, though, so they're cool, right?

"A 72-watt light bulb will still provide the same service as the old 100-watt bulb," says Adam Gottlieb, a spokesman for the California Energy Commission. "Consumers really need to know they won't see any difference."

Sure, dude, like whatever.  Nobody likes 'alien light' that makes you see dead people dimly illuminated.

Specialty lights that use less than 40-watts and more than 150-watts (like appliance lamps and 3-way bulbs) are exempt.

TIP: Get 150-watt light bulbs if you wanna see, Grandma.